i love pooh bear...

Insecure;

Tong Hua Gu Shi

Had this blog for many years already... And I named my blog "Tong Hua Gu Shi" for 3 years plus le. I remembered I named it after hearing this song "Tong Hua". And I remembered 2 guys actually sent me this phrase from the song:

你哭着对我说
童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂
从你说爱我以后
我的天空星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里你最爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信
相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局

And 1 of them is you. And I have chosen you. 3 years had passed. Have my life become a fairytale? 幸福和快乐是结局??

我幸福ma? What is the definiton for 幸福? Married with a son is consider 幸福?

All I know my feeling now is insecure. Insecure about my future. You made me feel insecure. You dun tell me everything. You dun tell me your plan. I have to keep asking you. About our home in future. I have to keep asking you to go check this and that. I have to go check myself and ask you to call the developer whether they have launch their project. I have to ask you when are we going to take our wedding photo and when will our wedding be held. How are we going about doing it. All these, I have to ask you. Am I the only one getting married? Why izzit you gave me the feeling that you dun care or bother?? Yes! I'm anxious about all these. I have pressure from my families and relatives. And I also want what every women want. A memorable wedding. People have a memorable proposal and wedding. All I ask for is a memorable wedding. ANd a home to call our own. All I want is PLANNING!! I DONT WANT TO LIVE DAY TO DAY WITHOUT PLANNING. Is it too hard to ask for?

I have borne you a son. What did I get in return? Yes! I appreciate that you decide to let me go back my own home and stay with me and my family, instead of moving over to your house. That's all?? And I know you tolerated my nonsense regarding about your mother taking care of Darius. Sometimes I wonder, isnt it suppose to be your mother telling me Darius' progress and not me telling her? Like the amount of milk Darius should be drinking now since she is the one taking care of him in the daytime and should be able to observe his progress, whereas I only see Darius at nitez. But how come, I'm always the one suggesting to increase his milk and notice that he always get hungry so easily and always doesnt seems enough? You always think that I exgerated myself when I told you that Darius always cry very loud and feel so pek chek the whole day cuz he doesnt have sarong to slp on and no one is shaking him to slp like he used to from Mondays to Fridays. You have seen it for yourselves last Sat. That's how fast Darius pick up habit. You are not there to see. Dun think that I like to exgerate. I also want to have a good weekend and rest, but is not the matter whether I want or not. Is the matter whether I can or not. Sometimes you told me you are tired from work. Does that mean I'm not tired from work? If I'm not working and I still complain I'm tired to you, den I deserve a slap from you. ok? You are working, so am I!!!

If I know life will be like this.... I think I would rather risk my life and went to terminate the pregnancy and continue our single life till we have our things go as planned, den we decide on marriage and start a family... If only we can turn back the time. But since we cant do that in the past, why can we start planning our future? Cant you share with me what you have in mind? and not me asking you? As if I'm so desperate to be married off. 4 more months and it will be our anniversary. And nothing is done to our traditional wedding. Nothing is done to our present life.

I want a future with plans. And not living day to day.

Have I finally realise that I have made a wrong choice to get married in a rush?

Am I silly to give birth to Darius and resulted in all these and have nothing in return?

I'm tired... Really tired in living the type of life you want.

Sunday, March 15, 20095:10 PM

Welcome

Me, Myself & I

W3n F0nG
11th Jan 1986
Capricorn

Wishes & Wants

* Love
* A home to call my own
* $$

Darius Tan Kai Feng

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Playlist

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Listening to...

*.羅志祥 - 幸福不滅
*.羅志祥 - 小丑鱼
*.Twins - 死性不改
*.五月天 - 天天想你
*.周杰伦 - 说好的幸福呢
*.五月天 - 突然好想你
*.Kai - Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
*.王力宏－你不在
*.SHE - 安静了